Date Safe - 3 Keys to Online Dating Safety

Our basic tendency as humans is to trust that people are good. Unfortunately, not everyone can be trusted nor do all have good intentions.

How do you really know if the person whose profile you just read is who they said they are? They may say the right thing yet you get that funny feeling that something isn’t quite right.

It’s worth taking precautions when conversing with people online.

Here are our three critical tips for dating safely:

1. Safeguard Your Personal Information

Does that man or woman you just started exchanging messages with need to know your personal email address, street address, phone number, or place of employment? No!

Do they need to know your last name? No!

What if this person isn’t who they say they are? Do you really want them to know where you live or work? You haven’t even met them yet…

With the tools available online, it’s easy to find an address just using a home phone number. Cell numbers may not be far behind. Create a strategy or process for revealing personal information. Maybe you only give out your home phone or cell number once you’ve met and only if you feel safe in doing so.

In the meantime, we recommend that you set up a free email address that does not identify you through one of the free services like hotmail.com. This will ensure that you can begin your communication with people safely. (Note: Whatever you type in as your first and last name when you create your account will appear in the ‘From’ line of any emails you send. So choose accordingly.)

Sometimes it’s better to exchange a few emails with someone you have met online before you chat on the telephone. If you’re a woman and are concerned about giving out your phone number to a man, get how phone number and call him from a payphone or find out from you phone company how to hide your caller id information from being sent.

2. Meeting in Person

How do you decide when, or if you want to meet someone in person that you have met online? It depends on what your goals are and the time you have. It can be a waste of time to meet everyone you’re conversing with.

It’s easy to let your guard down after you’ve been conversing by email for a few weeks or even a few days. Remember, you haven’t actually met the person so you might not have any reason to trust them yet. We recommend meeting in a very public and busy place for the first time and maybe even the second, third, or seventh time - whatever it takes for you to feel safe.

You might want to make your first meeting a coffee date so as to keep it simple and short. That way if you don’t feel safe with the person or find out you don’t have much to talk about, you don’t have to wait too long before the date is over.

Before you even think about inviting someone over to your home or getting into their car, trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right – listen! If you want to invite them over to your place for dinner, invite another couple or some friends over.

3. Long Distance Dating

Online dating allows us to potentially meet people from all over the world. You may choose to converse with someone in another city, state or province, or country. Meeting in person is obviously more costly and complicated as one or both of you will need to travel. New questions now arise – do you stay at their place? Do you share a hotel room or get separate ones? What if you do decide you want to have a relationship? Safety should always win over cost.

If you are really feeling unsure about meeting someone who lives in a different city than you, you could consider having a background check completed before agreeing to meet the person. You’ll find out if they have any criminal records and if they are who they say they are.

Take your time. Trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel right – listen! Only reveal personal information when and if it feels right to. You’re in charge and you can and should say ‘No!’ if that’s what you’re feeling. If whomever you’re dating doesn’t honor your need to be cautious, ask yourself if this is someone you really want to be seeing.